ACID TEST
by
Jean-Marc LOFFICIER

 

Publication History: -- First published in Rover No. 6, 1980. "Mrs. Peel! You, here!" "Steed! In the Village? What a surprise!" "What is this place, Mrs. Peel? And what are you doing here? Come to think of it, what am I doing here?" "Have you seen No.2 yet, Steed?" "No.2? What a strange name... No, I don' believe I have." "He is the one who runs things here. Come with me, then, and I'll show you to the Green Dome. Meanwhile, why don't you tell me what you have been doing all these years..." *** "...And right after that case, I felt that Purdey and Mike Gambit did not need me anymore. So I called Mother -- he is still around, you know -- and talked him into accepting my resignation. You remember, I always wanted to retire in that cottage I own in Somerset, but I thought I could..." "The Green Dome, Steed." "Ah., yes, what a strange composite of achitectural styles. What do you think, Mrs. Peel, Renaissance? "Yes, like Machiavel and the Borgia." "I see." "DO COME IN, NO.100. BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT, NO.96?" "No.96?" "I think he means me. This is No.2, Steed. Let's not keep him waiting." "After you, Mrs. Peel..." *** "You, No.100, are one of the best operatives your country ever had. Or should I say 'was'? Why did you want to retire?" "Have I met you before, Old Chap? Your face looks vaguely familiar..." "Who I was or might have been is of no concern to you, now. In the Village, I am No.2 and you are No.100." "I am certainly not!" "Do not provoke us, No.100! No.96 here, with whom I believe you used to work, can tell you of the success of our methods." "Indeed I can... No.6." "Do not call me No.6! I am No.2! No.2! No. 2!" "I think you two better go now. No.2 is tired and..." "And who might you be, sir?" "Don't push me, No.100. I am No.9, No.2's personal physician. Butler, show these two citizens out." *** "Why did you call him 'No.6,' Mrs. Peel?" "A hunch. That's what he used to be when I arrived here. A prisoner, like the rest of us. But he was the best till they got to him." "Oh yes, now I remember him. Amazing fellow. He never gave up." "He hasn't. Not yet. Not inside. I know he is still fighting, somewhere inside..." "Well, then, Mrs. Peel, it looks as if... we're needed" "This is No.2 speaking, No.100. I am sorry about that moment the other day. I have a lot of work here, you know, and the pressure can become overbearing at times... Anyway, I wanted to have a chat with you. You seem to be a reasonable man, and I am sure we can work together for the mutual benefit of this Community..." "I told you before, I will not..." "Ah, and why don't you bring No.96 along too. Charming person. Much in common, I feel. With you, too. Yes. That's a good idea. Come for tea. No. For breakfast. Yes, that sounds good. Be seeing you." *** "No.9, what a surprise! Come in, come in! Mrs. Peel, do we have some champagne left for our unexpected visitor?" "No Moët left, but I think I have a quart Veuve C. somewhere." "That will do fine! You won't mind, my dear fellow?" "Shove the acting, No.100!" "Steed. John Steed. As a mutual friend of ours used to say: I am not a number, I am a free man, you know." "You have been seeing a lot of No.2 those last weeks, haven't you?" "Shh. Confidential debriefing. Ultra-secret." "I am well aware of your value to us in terms of information, No.100. But I don't want you to disturb No.2. He is, er, very sick." "Sick? Why, he seemed much better. Last week only, he said... But you wouldn't be interested. Had you noticed anything, Mrs. Peel?" "Well, now that you do mention it, Steed, our friend seemed to have mislaid his badge the other day. Terrible memory, you knowl" "I warn you, both of you, if you tamper with..." "Oh, do drink your champagne, No.9. It is already warm." *** "Supervisor, I have something unusual on the screen." "Unusual? Let me have it here, No.27... It's the helicopter cave! Red Alert! Red Alert! Stop No.2 immediately! Lock the controls!" "Impossible, sir. He has an electro-pass with him." "Sir, we managed to ground 'copter 2. But 'copter 1 is getting out of range... We lost it, sir!" *** "No.9 here." "..." "Yes sir, I realize that, sir." "..." "No sir. The two escaped, sir, but we managed to keep No.2. I mean, No.6, sir." "Yes sir, I am aware that we should not have trusted him that far, but it was the only way to test the validity of compound 15. You, yourself said..." "..." "I understand, sir, I'll report to you right away." "..." "Be seeing you too, sir." Story (c) 2001 Jean-Marc Lofficier; The Prisoner (c) ITC; The Avengers Canal + Image UK Ltd.. Photo credits: Patrick McGoohan (No. 6), Patrick Macnee (Steed), Diana Rigg (Mrs. Peel).